Healing in the Dying Time

Joan Furman, MSN, RN, AHN-BC, CET II
Presented to Nashville Psychotherapy Institute
January 9, 2009

Flow

Be,
as water is,
without friction.
Flow around the edges
of those within your path.
Surround within your ever-moving depths
those who come to rest there—
enfold them,
while never for a moment holding on.
Accept whatever distance
others are moved within your flow.
Be with them gently
as far as they allow your strength to take them,
and fill with your own being
the remaining space when they are left behind.
When dropping down life’s rapids,
froth and bubble into fragments if you must,
knowing that the one of you now many
will just as many times be one again.
And when you’ve gone as far as you can go,
quietly await your next beginning.
© Noel Frederick McInnis

The names and illnesses of clients and sometimes their sex are changed in the case studies I will present. Unless otherwise specified, much of the material in this presentation is derived from my book, The Dying Time: Practical Wisdom for the Dying and Their Caregivers. (Crown, 1997).

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Visiting and Helping the Dying

Have you ever wondered how you might be helpful to someone who is dying? Or how to say or do the right thing for that person’s caregiver? You may ask, “Is there anything I can do?” And predictably and untruthfully, the answer you hear is, “No, not right now.” As a counselor, I am often asked how to be a helpful friend to a terminally ill person, whether in the hospital or at home. Here is my list of helpful guidelines, based on many years of observing exhausted caregivers and visitors who wish they could help:

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